The following is a true story.
The Cat Lady
Across from the house I grew up in lives a woman and her husband. We've always known her to be "off". Why? Well for one thing, she steals our garbage every so often. Ever since I could remember she's creeped me out with her gray hair, wrinkly face and odd assortment of clothing. I think she wears my mom's stuff from the 70's. For years, she and her husband (who I will refer to as Mr. Cat Lady) have kept to themselves in this two story house obscured behind an unkept landscape.
I call her the cat lady because every morning until I left for college, I looked out across the street and saw the faint silhouette of a cat perched on a window sill. It would seemingly gaze at me like a lonely ghost.
This past weekend I visited some old (and sane) neighbors. They had told me the most bizarre and surprisingly credible story I have ever heard which I am about to share with you.
Three years after I left, the new couple that had moved in next to the cat lady started noticing a foul stench emanating from the premises. Complaint after complaint went unanswered for months. Finally they realized Mr. Cat Lady had not been seen in weeks. They suspected foul play and called the police.
Within minutes, seven squad cars bombarded the street. They knocked on the door and cat lady answered screaming at the top of her lungs. By this time, the area behind the squad cars had already started forming an audience of gossiping neighbors. Mr. Cat Lady finally shows up at the door confused as hell, but all was still not well. The police not only got a glimpse, but also a whiff of what was inside the house. The couple next door insisted they find out what was inside without a warrant. They agreed.
Rewind.
I was 9 years old and selling candy for a school fundraiser. I went door to door around the neighborhood until my final stop which was the cat lady's house. Standing before the towering blue door, I rang the bell and heard chimes from within. She came out with a stern look across her face. The sales pitch I had rehearsed what seemed like a thousand times was whimpering behind the story of Hansel and Gretel repeating in my head.
In a cold and rattled voice, she asked, "Are you selling this candy?"
I replied, "Y-ye-yesss".
"Ok, come in for a minute while I get the money out of my purse"
Oh my god, I'm going to die.
So I went in and was apparently the only one to have done so in years. What I saw was absolutely surreal. It was like stepping into a warehouse, but inside a jungle. Throughout the first floor were boxes laying around full of the most random stuff. There were plants and vines winding through the staircase into the second floor. In the corner of the hallway I saw the tricycle we threw away the year before. But the most baffling sight of all was the small tree growing in the living room.
In case you missed that, there was a tree growing in the living room.
And to compliment everything were the inhabitants. Cats. 15 to 20 cats spread around the room as if they were guests at a dinner party. Staring at me like the unwanted stranger I was. Death by cat. What a horrible way to go.
She got the money from her purse that sat on a worn out couch (most likely someone else's garbage as well) and handed it to me. I gave her the candy and needless to say I got out of there with a quickness.
Fast forward.
Numerous government agencies and organizations had arrived including the Department of Health, SPCA, and Animal Control. It was a crime scene. Trash bags were brought out of the house by guys wearing face masks and rubber gloves. Policemen inspected every inch of the property. Curious residents and passerbys wondered what was going on while the cat lady sat in the back of a squad car. And all of this happening directly in front of my house.
An officer finally told everyone the story and what they found. If you haven't had lunch yet, I suggest you go now.
*** WARNING - NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART ***
- Cats. 50-something strays wandering the house. Many more were dead or dying.
- Junk piled so tightly in the house that it was difficult to walk around.
- Animal waste everywhere. Enough to have corroded the second floor causing it to collapse.
- 30 gallon trash cans full of cat litter.
- A tree in the living room that had fallen over and caused major damage to the ceiling.
- 8 foot piles of garbage in the backyard.
- Headless female kittens wrapped in a blanket.
- A bucket used for human waste as there were no entrances to the restrooms. Apparently, cat lady would dispose their waste in the backyard and wash the bucket every day.
They deemed the house unlivable and it was boarded up. Cat lady was sent to the looney ward, but got out soon after because she proved herself sane. Mr. Cat Lady, who apparently has 7 degrees and is a professor at a local college, was forced to rent an apartment. They're not to return until it gets cleaned up.
The city cannot demolish the house because it is still her property and there is no "direct" disturbance to the community. Basically it will just sit there until ownership somehow finds its way into someone else's hands.
Cat lady and Mr. Cat Lady supposedly live somewhere else now. The house has been abandoned for years. There is no electricity or running water. But every morning at 4 am, she comes back anyway to do god-knows-what inside the house.
Yesterday morning, I woke up and looked out the bathroom window. There was a cat sitting behind her attic window.
Rumor has it, she is now the caretaker of an opossum.
The End. | 
